So What If He's Not God?

Lee Honggi

2009-10-10T06:45:37Z

Exactly one day and one year older than I am. (!!) Yay for March babies!

Exactly 22 cm (about 9 inches) taller than I am.

Exactly 5.6kg (about 12~13 lbs) lighter than I am (*cry*)

Exactly the perfect smile.

Type of girl: pure and aegyo.

Lee Honggi.

It's official.

I have to meet you now.
Please come to America. As much as I love kimchee, I don't think I could survive a trip to Korea D;

BTW. I don't know what it is, but he's so damned cute I've been motivated to do situps at night again. Ohhh, Hongki, my stomach muscles do not thank you T__T It hurrrts~!

TRAVERSE!

2009-09-25T02:04:00Z

Let's all go along now to TRAVERSE TOWN!!! :D
Cobbled streets and city sounds.....
Yeah!
In the square's a clock and the shops're in stock and their worlds are gone but if they come here then they'll find what's dearly beloved to their own hearts, right? :D RIGHT!
And their friends are lost but they'll reunite (eventually)....
But the nights in Traverse Town are pretty quiet and if they look here then they'll be sure to find what they miss most X__X

Right?

You. Me.

2009-09-24T06:04:25Z

Planetarium, Captain D's, and beach.

Sound good???

I'm making good on my curiousity

2009-09-06T21:01:16Z

And I probably spelled it wrong, but hey! LoL
I joined a forum for discernment for those looking to become, or thinking of becoming, nuns or sisters.

...

Is it so bad that I actually really wanna do this?

Good morning, Rame-tan~!!

2009-09-04T04:17:15Z

Good morning Rame-tan!!
Have a great day today~!!

(Shiva, he's adorable even when he's "old" T_T)

Regarding Tea

2009-09-02T04:10:30Z

Bad enough that I ran out of all my Earl Grey.
But now I'm out of all my Darjeeling, too...

Augh. All I have left is White Plum and Green tea (with matcha)...
...
White Plum is such an accquired taste, too ;___;
Aughhhh...

Oh, well....

(I miss my Earl Grey! T____T)

... Ok, you doll people, I need your help.

2009-08-31T23:36:12Z

I probably shouldn't talk about it here, but I have no idea what else to do.

I accepted four faceup commissions this month. The first two are fine and smooth, if I can just work out the kinks in the weather and class schedule. But the fourth, the owner totally didn't read that I don't do eyelash removal (ugh) so I'm a bit anxious on that part -- I always rip eyelashes trying to get them off somehow, or they come off looking extremely mangled. Application, I can do. Removal, not so much unless you have a back-up pair.

The THIRD is what's holding me back. The girl had her brand-new doll customized (and it was NOT a very good mod) and then send directly to me from the commissioner. Well, there's damage on the head including dents, scratches, and this STUBBORN ASS WHITE RESIDUE that the owner now wants me to fix.

I told her I'd try, since boiling somehow magically restored my puki's dents and scratches, and because Hiroshi used to have white residue on his head, too.

HOWEVER. I cannot get this shit off the head!! I've no idea what it is! I've scrubbed it with magic eraser, which makes it worse, and I've used Windsor&Newton on it, which worked a bit, but it's SO DAMNED SLOW (i'm on day five of scrubbing now).
I know it's not a chemical reaction because if I scrape lightly with my fingernail, it'll come off, but there are just some really stubborn bits (and of course you don't want to tell the owner that the only way you've found to remedy this is by scratching the living hell out of their expensive doll's FACE!)....
... So I'm at a loss.
You guys.

Please.

Help.

I was really looking forward to painting this particular doll, but I have to clean it first. And it's not working fast enough/well enough, and I'm scared I'm going to run out of my time frame.

Someone please tell me what the hell this is and how to get rid of it.

EDIT: Oh, and I know this is "cheating," but the white residue does disappear as long as the surface of the head is damp, soooo.....

Is there any way to seal moisture onto a head with MSC as well? >_>;;;

Because if so, I might just resort to that. o___O;;;;

Jui~!?

2009-08-31T22:42:18Z

You look so cute! And feminine! Omg!!!

;___;

Somehow, I like his plain white shirt a lot more than his hat... Hmmm...!!

OK you guys

2009-08-29T18:16:09Z

Ordering MSC soon from a company based in Canada, but the cool part is that shipping is only ever 10 dollars PER ORDER no matter how much you buy!!! Wow!!!!
If you wanna hop on, please let me know! ^____^
But right now they're all outta stock haha.
Link to site: http://www.hobbywave.com/modeling_supplies/sprays/mr-super-clear-uv-cut-flat.html

Kyaaa!!

2009-08-29T04:07:36Z

Jui accepted me as a friend~!
Thank you Jui~~!!! T___T

Some quick things

2009-08-29T04:02:38Z

Rame-tan is so cute today~
Even when I lose a bit of respect, I still grow affections for him.
Even though today he didn't stamp my page, but touched on Miho's instead...
.... But Miho is such a cute girl... I'm so jealous haha....

Today I request to become Jui's friend (~!!!)
I've been so nervous that until now, I was too scared.
But tonight I made the request.

Jui's page says, "Can you keep a secret?"
When you become friends on ameblo, sometimes you are privy to information that no one else should know of (this is a cute thing. Aoi from Ayabieru sometimes gives away things..... urk)
So I wrote to Jui, "You can count on me!!!"
I hope now we can be friends ><~~

________
Although I don't like him at all, here is one of Rame-tan's friends on ameblo.
I have lost respect (again).
Link To Kisaki's Blog. (I'm about to die augh augh ugh ugh he's so terrible)

________
Also, I completed watching "kuroshitsuji" tonight. Because I'm so busy with class, I could only watch an episode a day, or two days...
I'm a bit sad at the end. Of course Ciel must die, but he is a masochist! I think Sebastian really would have been nice........
......
Ah~hhh... They make such a good pair~ (even if not a couple haha!!)

________
Tonight I ate Chinese food. I also ran out of gas.
But most importantly, I ate Chinese food~.

LOL!?

2009-08-28T17:14:17Z

初動画♪[アメーバビジョン]

回転後ふらふら重鎮♪[アメーバビジョン]

Are they drinking?! They act so silly...!!

Anyway, it makes me smile to watch :3
Oh~ Rame-tan is so nice to show us this, I think~

Today's my last class for this week.
Yaaaaaay... Then I can slee--- oh, no---
I have to finish face-ups, and my homework~~ TwT~
Augh~!

Jui gets a foot massage!

2009-08-25T15:18:25Z

Jui... if it hurts that bad, why'd ya do it....??
~~(But omg I can see his thighs T__T Thank you Rame-tan!)~~

R-Rame-tan!!

2009-08-24T22:25:36Z

You look so cute today!!!

Maybe I'm the only one who likes him in boys' clothes*
(*even though he buys his clothes in the women's aisle....)

Edit: Today I found two pick-me-up's after a long day of the new semester:

1) My current favorite author uploaded the next installment to her story (I'm addicted) I feel so nice now after reading!
2) Rame-tan touched my page again.... Ahhhh, Rame-tan.....!!!! (I'm still not a Rame-tan fan... Just a Vidoll fan.... but slowly, I'm working up towards it.... Please, drop Kisakkun, Rame-tan...)

To a Kind Guy

2009-08-24T01:59:22Z

Thank you for making me smile so much, Rame-tan.
Both for your stamp on my page, and for the cute face forward.

.... I'm (slowly) becoming your fan.

Edit: Hey, wait -- Rame-tan, why is our hair so similar!?

Awwww

2009-08-22T20:11:44Z

This made me smile

Thank you Rame for being so damned sweet looking T__T

Ughh...

2009-08-22T19:46:57Z

I'm so sick that I can't even eat.

I just wanna scream, except that I'm doing that already.
I just wanna cry except I've done that so much already that I can't even see, so I'm sorry if I'm making typos.
I grabbed today's newspaper and highlighted everything that looked reasonable.
I made two phone calls.
I PM'd the girl whose doll came in a little messed-looking, and I'm waiting for her reply.
School starts day after tomorrow, and my nails still... ugh.

I need to get some MSC... There's a group order that says it's open, but closed yesterday, so I'm thinking, if anyone on my Friends list wants some MSC, please let me know and I'll run a small GO.

Uh-oh

2009-08-17T18:51:10Z

I can't find my keeeeeeeeeys.

Or my glasses. Ugh. Ugh. I really want my own glasses.

Omilord

2009-08-15T07:45:09Z

The time is now 2:45 AM :D

I am going to bed :D

Rame... Why do you do this??

2009-08-11T22:09:10Z

So Rame-tan is staking out the Limp Bizkit concert -- and possibly their whole tour, and has posted a picture of his ticket, which admittedly only shows a little OF the ticket, but you can still get a good guess at where he'll be.

I never pegged him for a fanboy of LB.
(Can we please change those two letters around? T_____T)

Ahh!!! Why is it so hard?!

2009-07-22T02:12:39Z

I've been looking all day for the "Sakura Kiss" instrumental mp3!
I found it, but not for download!
Or, when download is allowable, it's always gotta be paid for, or it's a circle system!!
I hate circle systems! I'm so sick of it!
I just want the mp3 dammit!!
Where can I find itttt~~????

I almost don't believe it >_>!

2009-06-23T21:25:40Z

After totally bombing the diet that I had going, I gained back 20 lbs after losing 17....
But yesterday I worked out at the gym for 2.5 hours and drank 7 TALL glasses of water and only ate a very healthy fruit and meat sandwhich.... and later, a corn dog...lol....
But I've already lost 5 pounds.
o_o

LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!!

Tifa's song. Lyrics & Explication ^_^ -

2009-06-12T22:27:26Z

Please don't laugh at this, if you read it at all. It's just something crazy I was working on.
The lyrics to this song are set during the beginning of Advent Children, in Tifa’s point of view. ^_^ The song matches up with Uematsu's PIANO version of Tifa's theme song.

Dark; Burning fire

Lights up the mountain life

From all around me…

Do you remember

A little promise

Made long ago?

You said you'd be there

So I am waiting

Until that day.

In 7thHeaven

It's dim and lonely

A memory...

But, now we're on the way to a smile

Here with you...

A child's mother,

An orphan's hero;

But who are we?

And if you love me,

I pray you'll show me;

Please don't delay.

My heart can't take it:

A losing battle

To memory...

But, now we're on the way to a smile

Though the heartache and the tears and endless battles

Stay with you...

[inst.]

The light in your eyes

Can't reach your smile;

That haunting light…

These hands will fight it:

The pain you're hiding;

Drop the facade

When will I see you

As how I know you

To really be?

…But, now we're on the way to a smile

Though years can't mask (all) the burdens forced on you by a

Memory...

checklist:

[X] Nibelheim incident

[X] The promise

[X] Aerith ß “memory, child’s mother”

[X] Zack ß “hero” “memory” “the burden” (buster sword)

[X] 7thHeaven

[X] On the way to a smile

[X] the orphans ß also “child’s mother”

[X] battles

[X] facade

[X] Cloud's misery

[X] hero

[X] Sephiroth ß “hero” and the reference to Geo-stigma

[X] dilly-dally shilly-shally

[X] strength

[X] (Tifa's) hands

[X] Mako ß the “haunting \light\ in [your] eyes”

[ ] The Planet

[ ] ShinRa?

[ ] Dream of a blonde soldier

Explication on Tifa’s Theme

Dark; Burning fire

Lights up the mountain life

From all around me…

The very introduction of the song... There isn’t another piece in the song that sounds quite like this, which I think is very fitting. There isn’t really an event in Final Fantasy that Tifa experiences quite like Sephiroth burning down Nibelheim, in which she goes from being a popular well-born girl to being an orphan – one of two remnants left behind from a quiet mountain town.

Do you remember

A little promise

Made long ago?

In LAST ORDER, we hear Tifa’s thoughts -- “where are you, Cloud?” -- after Sephiroth knocks her down. These thoughts pertain to the promise Cloud made her. The promise was that Cloud would come find her whenever she was “in a pinch,” and protect her. Cloud eventually did come for her, despite his fear of being seen by her as a simple grunt, and thus kept his promise, albeit a bit later than was helpful. This promise was also brought up in the original Final Fantasy game, and briefly alluded to in Crisis Core.

You said you'd be there

So I am waiting

Until that day.

The first line pertains directly to the promise. The second and third are expressing her hopes that Cloud will continue to be there for her, probably with the same fervor he showed at a younger age. This may also be a reference to the idea that Cloud doesn’t see himself as fit to protect anyone, and Tifa is hoping he’ll someday see that he is strong enough to protect those he cares for, and acts on it, even though she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. It’s not that Tifa wants to be taken care of, so much as that she wants Cloud to realize that he is better than he makes himself out to be. She wants him to understand his full potential, even as she knows that he doesn’t have to be a hero to realize it.

In 7thHeaven

It's dim and lonely

A memory...

The idea behind this stanza came from the book “On the way to a smile,” where they described the bar as dimly-lit, with flickering lights. Because none of her old friends from the game really visit 7nthHeaven, the bar is both dim and lonely – even Cloud is gone most of the time, delivering packages and so-forth. This leaves her alone to think about the previous years during their fights as AVALANCHE against ShinRa and Sephiroth, and the friends they made because of it, and she realizes that as the years go by, her friends are becoming little more than memories. She also comes to understand that Cloud is still clinging desperately to the memories of the events before and during FFVII – probably namely Zack and Aerith and their untimely demises.

But, now we're on the way to a smile

Here with you...

A direct reference to the book “On The Way To A Smile,” and Tifa’s optimistic hope of moving forward with Cloud. It’s a way to assure herself that she isn’t alone, and a way to let Cloud know that he isn’t alone, either.

A child's mother,

An orphan's hero;

But who are we?

This verse is filled with double meanings. As Tifa thinks about the events and people in their lives, she realizes that herself and Cloud nearly identically parallel the lives of Zack and Aerith – something Cloud had to go through alone for far too long. In Crisis Core, when Zack was knocked down into the Church in the Slums of Sector 8 by Angeal, he had a “discussion” with his Mother in his sleep. His mother’s voice slowly shifted into Aerith’s, however, and that’s how he woke. In Advent Children, Cloud and other characters experienced similar situations with the Cetra.

Tifa is also a motherly figure, in that she cares for two specific “orphans,” Marlene and Denzel. Denzel is a character picked up in Advent Children who suffers from Geo-stigma. Marlene is the orphan Barrett, a friend all the way from the original game, left in Tifa’s care in order to make a fortune digging oil to better support himself and his “child.”

Although Cloud was never an orphan until the Nibelheim incident, even afterwards it was clear that Zack was Cloud’s hero – the SOLDIER First Class even died to protect him. And yet Cloud is the Planet’s hero, and thus the hero of all humanity (the orphans as well) – Denzel included. Tifa is probably thinking specifically of Denzel in that line.
Yet she worries that she and Cloud may not be living their own lives, even now. She doesn’t want to be a remnant (a word that appears an awful lot in this series!) of the past, and imitate Aerith as Cloud impersonated Zack for so long. So here, she’s wondering – “who are we, really? Are we being ourselves, or someone else?”

And if you love me,

I pray you'll show me;

Please don't delay.

In Advent Children, Tifa uses an onomatopoeia phrase “zuruzuru-zuruzuru” which means to be dragging – in Cloud’s case, dragging behind, or delaying. In English, it translated to “dilly-dally, shilly-shally,” in which added the “sh” sound is a popular and well known to make fun of something (“Teacher, schmeacher.” ß Like that, but a little different.) This is a reference to her argument with Cloud about always dwelling on the past, despite having “started over” in a new life with her and the Children. In a segment written by the creators of this movie, it is stated that “Cloud and Tifa come to realize their feelings for each other and move in together.” And yet not once is it documented that Cloud ever says “I love you” to Tifa. Maybe it’s that he can’t easily confess his feelings because of past trauma, but I can imagine that Tifa would feel rather lousy never hearing those three words. Additionally, Cloud never really shows his love, as he never accepts nor returns calls unless it’s of dire importance, and is almost always away from 7thHeaven/Strife Delivery Service HQ. The two of them don’t even sleep in the same bed, so it’s entirely questionable that he does harbor feelings for Tifa outside of friendship, and she only wants him to confirm it.

My heart can't take it:

A losing battle

To memory...

This is another reference to the argument in the movie. Tifa asks Cloud, “Why do we always have to lose out to a memory?,” referring to Aerith (and possibly Zack as well, as he spends quite a lot of time at the cliff, where Zack died). In fact, it could even be a reference to Sephiroth, as Cloud was forced to kill one of his childhood idols/heros. Tifa doesn’t want to lose out to a memory, and it hurts her to think that she, someone alive and kicking and still caring for Cloud, is doing just that – fighting a losing battle against someone who is dead to gain Cloud’s love, confidence, and trust.

But, now we're on the way to a smile

Though the heartache and the tears and endless battles

Stay with you...

This refrain, I think, is said as a bit of a reassurance to her. She is reminding herself not to get too depressed, because they are moving on, even if Cloud is a little slower to do it than the rest of them are (perhaps with the sole exception of Vincent). The second and third lines refer to Cloud’s inability to let go of the past.

The light(s) in your eyes

Can't reach your smile;

That haunting light…

This verse, too, is filled with connotations. In “On The Way To A Smile,” Tifa wonders at the smile Cloud gave her. A direct quote of translation would read: “But Tifa remembered Cloud’s last smile. It had the kindness that made her think everything was fine. I wonder if I was mistaken.” This shows that even Tifa can’t fully read Cloud as well as she hopes to, and is a little upset about it. After all, it’s greatly acknowledged that Cloud “never [really] smiles.” A bitter smile, a smirk, and such – these can all occur. But a pure, happy smile never really happens after Crisis Core until the end of Advent Children, where he is surrounded by the orphans in Aerith’s church. The “haunting light” refers to both the mako Cloud received as an experiment following the burning of Nibelheim, and the reflection of painful memories and worries for the future.

These hands will fight it:

The pain you're hiding;

Drop the façade

In the beginning, Tifa wanted Cloud to protect her, but now she wants to protect him as well – to form a sort of partnership – “You watch my back, I’ll watch yours.” She wants to take care of him. Tifa is also really well known for fighting with her fists, so that explains the first line. The pain Cloud is hiding is a reference to his memories, both fractured and recent, which he probably hasn’t really talked about to anyone else. It also acknowledges the pain caused by the Geo-stigma, which Cloud hasn’t yet revealed to Tifa. In other words, Tifa doesn’t know Cloud has been infected with it, but she can see the pain it’s causing him anyway and wants to do something about it. The “façade” is the mask of strength and bravery that Cloud continually keeps up, even with he’s feeling miserable and afraid. It’s also alluding to the image of Zack that Cloud still portrays, even if it’s just a little.

When will I see you

As how I know you

To really be?

Tifa wants Cloud to be himself, without the baggage of the past. She remembers the sweet and shy boy in Nibelheim and compares him with the recent Cloud – a remorseful, empty shell of a “man”. In Advent, Cloud is mentally still several years younger than he appears to be because of the experiments performed on him by Hojo, and yet will probably never be the same because of it. It pains Tifa to think of what was done to him, and she agonizes over what it’s done to his mental health – both to be trapped in a body that didn’t quite seem like his own, and to have his memories “fractured.” In Advent, where it appears obvious that he’s healing at least a little bit, Cloud is still far different from the original shy-but-eager self first introduced in Crisis Core. Tifa misses this, and wishes for her companion to go back to the way things were – or at least advance far enough to return to his normal self, as she knows him.

…But, now we're on the way to a smile

Though years can't mask (all) the burdens forced on you by a

Memory...

Although this is, again, a reassurance to herself, she can’t hide the little bit of bitterness left over that she feels for the people and events in Cloud’s memory. Even though they’re moving forward, Tifa realizes that it’s probable that Cloud will never completely let go of the past, and that he will likely continue struggling with the deaths of his friends and heroes, and the promise of being a legacy. Even the Buster Sword carried the burden of Pride and Dreams passed on from Angeal to Zack and then to Cloud, and with it, the battles with Sephiroth, Jenova, and the death of Aerith.

So, that’s it ^_^ The song is really one-sided, as it shows really nothing as far as how Cloud really feels, but it makes it obvious that Tifa really likes him, at least. This is how I perceive Tifa to be: Worrisome, with everyone’s best interests at heart, yet strong. She wants to help others, but first takes the time to consider how – and if it’s the best thing to do. She’s head strong and caring, but at least she thinks things through, even if the conclusions she comes to (or never come to) pains her a little.
Actually, there were several more things I wanted to portray in these lyrics, like the Planet, ShinRa, and her dream of having her own personal blonde SOLDIER, but they just didn’t fit, even though Tifa was a very important member of AVALANCHE, a group dead-seat against ShinRa in order to save the Planet. ^^a; But, oh well.

Last Day of Piano ^_^

2009-05-18T20:53:15Z

This is the last day I go to my tutor for piano.... !! I'm excited, but at the same time, disappointed. (At least my hands won't be cramping now, though!)

Today I'm bringing along the score for "Kimi ni aitakute" --- no, Aeryn, you don't get to hear this one, because it's not good yet .. (Sorry!!)

Hopefully I'll get a bit better again today! I'm still a little shaky in the middle because my left hand just does NOT want to work together with my right (in Last Song).. I can do each part, but it has to be separately, so I know Mrs Rachel is going to be smacking me upside the head until I get it right today hahaha.....

I can't wait to play Kimi Ni Aitakute!!!

This is what has me stuck on it:

www.youtube.com/watch

Explication Essay -- Y'all can disregard ;)

2009-04-29T18:06:06Z

Cora Hawkins

4-28-2009

Explication Essay

Word Count: 1662

IMPERFECTION – Explicated.

In the movie “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” we meet an Asian Minister in Canada who is obsessed with the meaning and symbolism behind circles… or perhaps, he is only obsessed with circles in themselves. A circle is defined as the shape of a perfect, hollow ring, a two-dimensional geometric figure formed of a curved line surrounding a center point in which every point of the line is at an equal distance from the center point, and as a group of people who share a common interest, profession, activity, or social background. A circle may hint at certain symbolisms, such as a halo above an angel’s head, infinity, life, and the eternal unknown. In pagan religions, the circle is often also seen as the symbol of the goddess and the embodiment of women’s spiritual and physical powers. In IMPERFECTION, a blend between dramatic dialogue and quatrain written by Carol Schimpf, we delve once more into the meaning of a perfect circle, albeit perhaps a little off-handedly, as the speaker stays up late into the morning, battling inner confusion and assessing herself while staring up at the perfect circle the fan makes against the ceiling. Schimpf uses a variety of poetic devices such as rhyme, figurative language, and imagery to communicate the theme of humans’ imperfection.

The first stanza of Schimpf’s IMPERFECTION uses imagery, figurative language, and rhyme to prepare the reader for the rest of the poem. She writes “Illusion of a perfect circle;/Rotating shadow – fractured light;/Alone in the isolating darkness;/Bereft in the indifferent night” (lines 1-4). The first line gives way to the “illusion” of a perfect circle, of wholeness and completion and perfection, allowing the reader to gain insight to the fact that the circle is, indeed, neither whole nor the quintessence of perfection. The rhyme scheme of “ABCB” in this stanza places emphasis on lines 2 and 4: “Rotating shadow – fractured light;” (2) and “Bereft in the indifferent night” (4). In line 2, both the narrator and the reader come to understand that neither the “rotating darkness”(2) nor the “fractured light”(2) are whole; rather, they are imperfect despite all outward and seeming appearances. Lines 3 and 4 use imagery to enable the mind’s eye to see a lonely figure left in an uncaring and apathetic darkness that may well end up pierced with light without the darkness’s worry. The “isolating darkness” in line 3 may refer to the fact that the poem takes place after-hours, and as such, most respectable persons would be long asleep by this time, allowing the narrator simply to be alone in her physical, mental, and emotional ways.

Such inferences of meaning are further proved in the second stanza, which reads “I sleep not in the twilight;/The circle encloses my mind;/I sleep not in the midnight;/Lonely circle is all I find” (5-8) and contains a new pattern of rhyme and ever more figurative language. Lines 5 and 7, while rhyming, also bring the reader to the awareness that the narrator has not slept all night long. Lines 6 and 8, which pertain to the circle, disclose the idea that the raconteur is simply engrossed in watching the fan spinning, though her thoughts may lead in other directions. That lines 6 and 8 also rhyme let us know that the second stanza is composed around the “ABAB” rhyming format. The “lonely circle” of line 8 refers to the lone ceiling fan rotating above her head, but may also in hind-sight relate to herself in that she creates the illusion of perfection and yet is still isolated in the dark, as leads back to line 3.

Stanza three brings us back to the original rhyme scheme, an “ABCB” pattern that uses imagery and rhyme to entice the readers’ senses, as is supported by text: “Laying motionless but sensing;/Feeling the cuts, bloodless and grey;/Shadow wounds spinning above;/Scarring with the light of day” (9-12). The first line of this stanza is the only one to be relevant to the orator; all the rest recount only of the fan’s and daybreak’s effect on the ceiling. The imagery in this stanza is phenomenal: “Feeling the cuts, bloodless and grey” (10) no doubt alludes to the shadows being in sections, or strips, at this point. The idea is confirmed as the stanza goes on to report, “Shadow wounds spinning above;/Scarring with the light of day” (11, 12). The scars of light evoke images of day breaking, as streams of the first light sear across the shadows on the walls and ceiling, “wounding” the shadows, so to speak, in that it is destroying them. Evidently, for the narrator has recounted this event happening, she has stayed awake the whole night through and witnessed dawn in a new and interesting fashion: still staring at the ceiling fan, and still staring at that “illusion of a perfect circle” (1).

The readers of this poem are brought to light, figuratively speaking, of the speaker’s confusion and inner turmoil in the fourth stanza of IMPERFECTION. As the “Fan slices the dim, reflected light/On the ceiling over my bed;/Violent slashing of still air;/Spinning like my heart and head”(13-16) in an attempt to ward off the coming day, it seems almost as if the fan is attempting to protect and shelter our poet, gifting her with more time in which to lay about, think, and stress over matters that may require much more thought yet. The final line in this stanza, “Spinning like my heart and head” (16), gains us insight to the swirl of emotions and perplexity of the raconteur’s temperamental predicament.

Once again, as in the first stanza, we return to appraising the circle made by the ceiling fan, or perhaps all circles, in the fifth stanza. The orator states that “Circles are so perfect” (17) in that they are “So perfectly limited and closed” (18), and yet concedes that “Circles lead [her] nowhere” (19). Schimpf wraps up the stanza with the thoughtful question: “Was this the path I chose?” (20). Perhaps because the speaker praises the limits and self-containment, or independence, of the circle, she unwittingly gives us the idea that she may wish those same traits upon herself. It is a relief, surely, to understand and know personal limits and to be completely self-sufficient. And yet, to be as a circle means to continue on forever in an endless struggle to be perfect. A human is lucky in that (s)he needs only one lifetime to attempt the struggle.

“I have cried a million tears;/Perfect circle dried them all;/I have felt a million fears;/Perfect circle contains them all”(21-24): a perfect demonstration of mother and child in “ABAB” rhyme-format. In this sixth stanza, we witness a relationship between the speaker and the ceiling fan. The ceiling fan is to our poet as a mother is to her child: when the child cries, the mother wipes away the tears; when the child is scared, the mother turns on the light and chases them away. In this way, the circle of the ceiling fan may very well now refer to the pagan meanings of a circle: a goddess and a mother. However, if one is spiritual, he will certainly see religious undertones to the circle; it is not hard to imagine the circle referring to the halo above a guardian angel’s head as the celestial being attempts to calm its dependent. In the last line, as the “perfect circle contains…all” her fears, we can once again associate the circle with something else: a dream-catcher. A dream catcher will catch all fears and nightmares while sleeping, and is typically in the shape of a circle hung above the bed, to be brushed out in the morning to release all anxieties. Yet one must notice the past-tense of the tears cried and fears felt by the narrator of IMPERFECTION. The use of the preteritum may intimate that the speaker is ‘getting over’ past events and habits.

The last stanza of Carol Shimpf’s IMPERFECTION is at once both depressing in that the message seems to depreciate the self, and yet somehow manages to convey the impression that the orator has recovered, at least partially, from the past’s troubles. It reads: “I have died a million deaths;/Disappearing without a trace;/Under my perfect circle;/In an imperfect state of grace”(25-28). It is impossible to die a million deaths in the world as we know it, but the indication of continuous reincarnation gives way yet again to the symbolism behind circles. That the narrator can “die” so many times, “disappearing without a trace”(26), reveals that she – or the people she knows – thinks very little of herself, that she can so easily disappear without letting anyone know to where, or why, or when; simply, it creates the illusion that she faded off the face of the earth, never to be seen or heard from again. However, it may simply be that the deaths pertain not to a life, but to certain emotions, or relationships. One may hear “I am as good as dead to you” when a family member absolves all familial ties. It could also be that the speaker simply associates emotional breakdowns with “dying inside,” as is another popular term used in angst. That she does this “under [her] perfect circle”(27) is of little consolation, yet she does so “in an imperfect state of grace”(28), which implies that she has embraced what it means to be human – an imperfect being – and acknowledges that she is far from damned despite what may happen in the past.

Circle. The word has both denotative and connotative meanings – some religious, some practical. In Carol Schimpf’s IMPERFECTION, we see hints at nigh every such definition of the word as she goes on to explore the meaning of humanity’s imperfections by use of figurative language, imagery, and rhyme. Perhaps now that the orator’s mind has come full-circle, she will be able at last to rest in the light, and away from the darkness which seems so isolating and indifferent.

Works Cited:

Shimpf, Carol. Me, Myself, and I. IMPERFECTION. (date unknown, page unknown).

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Mrs. Schimpf, I fail at citations! D: